What We Get Wrong About People That Hurt Us


When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help.

- Thich Nhat Hanh

We can only give what we have. Likewise, it's how we feel inside that dictates how we are able to present ourselves to others.

We perceive the world through our own unique lens. It is full of beliefs, expectations and memories from past experiences. On most days we aren't aware of which belief or expectations we are operating from. It's all a very unconscious motion.

But on any given day we KNOW how we are feeling. We know if we are feeling calm, happy, hopeful, frustrated, angry or helpless.

On days when we feel calm, happy, or hopeful we tend to display more patience, understanding, compassion towards others. We expect good things to happen. We draw from the best of our memories and beliefs.

And on days when we feel frustrated, angry or helpless we tend to be snappy, judgmental and can be cruel towards others. We expect bad things to happen. We draw from the worst of our memories and beliefs.

We draw out from whatever is in the well within us and pour it outside of us. And this is exactly what we get wrong about people that hurt us.

When someone hurts us, we play a victim, we look at ourselves, we start to go into a defensive mode to protect stance. When what we should be doing is bringing understanding to the situation and the person who is causing the disruption. When we react and flare up, we unknowingly 'pick up' the energy that the other person has put out. We take it with us, and continue to transfer it on to others we interact with...

But if take a step back and imagine the helplessness, and the pain of the person who is overflowing with anger, frustration or sadness. What the person is putting out is what they are holding within themselves.

They are overflowing with that type of emotion and thoughts themselves that it has no place to go but out and on to others. When someone is hurting us, it’s never about us but always about them. It’s always about the lack and emptiness they feel inside.

And if we consider this truth, one can only feel compassion for such people. When someone is overflowing with anger, frustration or sadness they don't need more of that same energy from us. They need the antidote, to feel love, compassion, relief and joy.

This is not to say, we must stand there and take whatever is thrown at us. This is not about playing a victim and taking abuse. It’s about not engaging at the same level as the person, who is clearly operating from a lower frequency.

Walk away. Ask for an intervention. Disconnect.

But as you do, intend unto them energies of compassion, calm and love. Fill their empty bucket with good stuff and don't add negative energies to their bucket that is already overflowing.

It's the only way to not add more suffering to ourselves and to those that are in pain.

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